


Angels Fall.

by AshleyJinxxBiersack



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Depressing fluff, Destiel - Freeform, Emotions, M/M, Tears, feathers - Freeform, hospital rooms, human!Cas, wing feathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:17:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyJinxxBiersack/pseuds/AshleyJinxxBiersack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry.<br/>I did another thing.<br/>I keep doing a thing.<br/>But doing the thing is me writing out my emotions and making you all suffer my feels with me.<br/>I'm sorry. I think.</p><p>Please leave comments and kudos. It's much appreciated and helps me out a lot. <3</p></blockquote>





	Angels Fall.

The hospital room was quiet, save for the gentle, steady beeping of the heart monitor that stood beside the bed and the quiet patter of the rain against the window across the room. Wires and tubes were hooked up to the bed's occupant, and two visitors sat in chairs beside the bed, but none of them spoke. No one could find the right words to speak. Nothing would seem appropriate to say in this moment.

He was dying, that much he knew, and though that scared him just a little bit, he knew this moment had been a long time coming. Something had always told him that his reckless behaviour was going to be his downfall, and it had finally happened. That something in his head had been right all along and there was no longer anything that could be done about it.

The silence was deafening, and it was enough to send anyone insane if it was around for too long. It was the kind of silence that was laced so thick with tension that the air could be sliced with a knife and shared out in equal amounts of awkward.

Sam pushed his hair back from his face, unsure where he was meant to be looking at this point. They'd been there for just over an hour now, and very little had been said after the Doctors had been in with the news. No matter what Sam wanted to say, it didn't seem appropriate, so he kept it to himself to avoid making anything worse than it already was.

Glancing beside him to the other chair, Sam could see Dean getting fidgety. The elder Winchester didn't like being sat down and sat still for long periods of time, and even visiting someone in hospital was no exception to that. His knee was bouncing, his hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides and he was muttering under his breath. Lyrics or pointless bullshit, no one could tell, but it didn't seem to be helping like it usually would. Eventually, Dean lifted a hand to the bed and took hold of the bony hand that had been reaching out to him. Sam watched Dean force a smile onto his face, trying his damndest to hide the fear and the sadness in his eyes.

Castiel was half asleep on the bed. He was exhausted, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep it all off so he could get back up again and keep hunting with the boys, but the Doctors had said that pulling through this wasn't an option anymore. It had been left too late, and now he was paying the price.

His eyes were sunken in much further than normal, and his face was angled where his bones jutted out more than usual. Cas hadn't had the appetite to be eating like he did when he first fell all those months ago, so he'd lost a lot of weight. His skin was a much sicklier kind of pale now, and his hands were so bony that for the first time in the eleven years they'd known him, Sam and Dean could really, truly see how old Castiel was. He'd been around for so long and he'd seen so much hatred in the world, but he'd never once given up hope. Not until today.

It had been two and a half years since Castiel fell from Grace. He'd pushed his luck too far this time, and he knew it had been coming the minute he'd started to feel his Grace fading from him during a hunt. He'd managed to hold on to as much of it as he could for no more than two weeks, and then it had faded completely, taking his wings with it. He'd become human. He'd become a liability to the Winchesters but neither brother would let him leave. They'd been determined to keep him around, helping him come to grips with being a human, and having to live and fight like one, too.

Dean had been most dedicated to bringing Cas up to scratch with his new life as a human. He'd always been a hunter, or at least he had been since he'd rebelled for the brothers the first time, but he'd always had his angel Grace to assist him in everything he did. He no longer had that advantage, but with Dean's help, he'd come to terms with that and he'd learned to fight the way they did.

It had been around three weeks since Castiel had been admitted to a hospital in Minnesota. One minute he'd been fine, and the next, he'd collapsed. There was an infection that had spread through an open wound to his heart and lungs, and it had been left far too long to do anything about and the Doctors had all been baffled when Cas had told them that he hadn't realised there was anything wrong. It could've come from a number of things, but he had a feeling it had been from that one hunt a few months back that had almost gone horribly wrong and left him pretty badly cut up. He'd insisted on fixing it himself, but clearly hadn't cleaned it properly like he should have before he'd bandaged everything up and set about healing as he went along. He'd forgotten for a while that he wasn't an angel anymore, though he hadn't been for just over two years at that point.

"One of you say something," Castiel finally said, voice dry and hoarse. "This silence is frustrating."

"Sorry, Cas," Sam said when Dean looked away for a minute, trying to compose himself.

"Why are you both acting like this situation is the end of the world? We all knew it would happen someday, and it's better it's me than it would be if it were one of you," Cas said.

"Don't you dare say that," Dean spat, looking at Castiel with a whole new kind of fire in his dimmed green eyes. "Don't you _dare._ "

"Dean-"

" _No_ , Cas, don't," Dean said, shaking his head and holding Castiel's hand a little tighter. "I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat and you know I would. This is utter bullshit and it should've been her, not you."

"It was my own fault for not watching my own back," Cas said, shrugging weakly.

"You were watching Sammy. I'd have lost him if you hadn't been there to get him, but now I'm losing you and I don't know what to do," Dean said brokenly. He was losing himself in the fear of the hole that'd be left behind when Castiel was gone for good. "I'm lost, Cas. I don't know where to go from here."

"You go wherever the hunting life takes you next," Cas said, slowly sitting himself up a bit and shuffling over. Dean took the hint and sat himself up on the bed, and Sam moved into the chair Dean had just occupied. The three liked being close together like this. They'd grown used to it and they'd miss it if they didn't have this closeness now.

"I can't. Not without you," Dean insisted. "Don't go, Cas. Please. There's gotta be _something_ we can do. _Anything._ "

"There's not and you know it. The Doctors told me there's no surviving this. We left it far too late because I was stupid and I forgot that I can't just heal overnight anymore and haven't been able to for nearly three years now," Cas said, shaking his head. He reached to the table beside him shakily, picking up the glass of ice water and gladly drinking some of it to moisten the sandpaper feeling out of his throat.

"There's gotta be," Dean insisted. "A witch, another Angel... Hell, I'll make another freakin' deal with a _Demon_ if it means I can save you."

" _No_ , Dean," Castiel snapped, voice coming across strongly for the first time all day. "You are _not_ selling your soul for me. I won't let you."

"You really don't have the power to stop me anymore," Dean said sadly.

"No, but Sam does," Cas reminded him. "Sam can still get up and go after you, and he's not stupid. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows how you think, he knows where you'll go and what you'll try doing, and he'll figure out how to stop you doing it."

"Don't give him that much credit," Dean snorted. "He doesn't have _that_ much brain up under his hair."

"Bite me," Sam said. Dean cracked a genuine smile, and that in turn made Castiel smile too. He was starting to forget what a genuine smile looked like coming from Dean Winchester.

After a little more joking around, Sam excused himself to go down to the cafe on the main floor to get some coffee, and to give Dean some alone time with Cas. They hadn't had much alone time over the passing days, and it was frustrating him, that much Sam could see.

Things were quiet in the room for a while until Cas decided to reach over and turn on the radio. A country station was on, and Castiel smiled, laughing quietly at the look of disgust that crossed Dean's face.

"Really? After all the time you've spent with me?" he asked incredulously.

"Spending as much time with Jimmy Novak as my vessel as I have, I seem to have picked up a few things from him over the years, including his likes and dislikes," Cas said, feeling Dean playing with his hand. "For example, I like red meat and Country music, but I dislike cars older than the sixties and newer than the early two-thousands."

"Jimmy was a fussy ass with his cars," Dean chuckled. Cas smiled, nodding, grimacing when he coughed roughly against his arm. "Whoa, hey, slow down there Cas."

"Sorry," Cas coughed, sighing heavily when the cough stopped, allowing Cas to flop back against his pillows. He pulled out another feather that had been sticking out and started playing with it, eyes glassing over. Dean frowned.

"Cas?"

"These are all my feathers, you know," Cas said quietly. He'd never told Dean he'd kept every feather that fell from his wings from the moment they'd started to fade from him. Dean's frown deepened. "I couldn't bear to see them go, not after having them for so long. So I kept them, and I keep them close to me by keeping them in this pillow, though over the time I've been here, I've pulled a few out."

"Why're you pulling them out?" Dean asked curiously. Cas just shrugged.

"I enjoy watching them drift to the floor. I never see what happens to them after, but I imagine they disappear," he said. "I gave one to the little boy that used to be in the bed beside me. I almost cried when I remembered I could do nothing to help him, so while his mother was outside meeting his father for visiting, I placed my hand on his head and prayed with him, then I gave him one of the longer feathers and told him it is the feather of an angel that visited when I was sick once and that the feather would be the angel's guide to watching over him."

"Where's the boy now?" Dean asked.

"He passed away two nights ago," Cas murmured, a tear rolling down his cheek. Dean leant forward, kissing the tear away gently. "Human life is so cruel, Dean. That little boy was eight years old. He didn't deserve to die!"

"I know, Cas, I know," Dean said, shuffling closer so he could hold Cas. The ex-angel wrapped his arms around Dean, crying against his shoulder quietly.

They stayed like that for a while, until Castiel eventually calmed down enough to sit back against his pillow and enjoy the music that was playing quietly. Dean didn't speak for a while, but he eventually asked what was on his mind.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

"Yes," Castiel admitted. "I know what happens when an Angel dies, and I know what happens when a human dies, but what will happen to me? I was once an Angel, but I am now a man."

"I've... never thought of that," Dean said, brows furrowing in thought. Castiel huffed a laugh, shaking his head.

"I hadn't thought you would have," he said quietly; thoughtfully. "Humans are delicate and fragile, and so, _so_ ignorant. They never know what they have 'til it's gone. In all the years I've studied your kind, I've never once seen a man or woman appreciate the joy they have in their lives until long after they'd lost it. At least, until I met you and Sam."

Dean stayed quiet, listening to Castiel talking. He'd never really listened to Cas talking about his life experiences before, but he found it intriguing. Castiel had seen so much hatred in the world, but he'd also seen the love that undid the evils that were left behind by the hatred. He'd seen the rise and fall of so much power in the world, and then he'd met the Winchesters. That one meeting had changed everything for him, and despite everything happening now, he didn't regret a second of it, and he made sure Dean knew that.

"You do know I don't ever regret you and Sam being in my life, don't you?" he asked. Dean looked at him. "You and your brother have been a blessing. You've shown me more in eleven years than the rest of your world has in centuries. It was thanks to you two that I learned that I am my own being, and no one can control me. You taught me compassion and love and humanity. You taught me friendship and family. Thank you."

"Hey, you helped me and Sammy too, y'know," Dean said. "You showed us to be strong and let things happen as they're supposed to sometimes, even when we feel like we can take on the world and change fate. You always show us to never give up on each other regardless of how bad things get, and you show us that we can be heroes, even if we don't feel like we are. And not to mention you saved our bacon more times than we can count."

Before Castiel could speak, the heart monitor's steady beep started to speed up a little, gradually becoming too alarming to ignore. Castiel was sucking in breaths now, unable to breathe as steadily as he had been before. Dean frowned, touching Castiel's face as he started to cough, eventually steadying his breathing the smallest amount. Even with steady breathing, though, the heart monitor was beeping quickly.

"Hey, hey, cough it out, man," Dean said, picking up the bucket that had been left beneath the bed for when this happened. "Just like what happened the other day, remember? You gotta cough it out."

Castiel nodded, doing as he was told. It took a while, but eventually he'd coughed up everything that had disturbed the steady beating of his failing heart, and he'd settled back again, picking a couple more feathers from his pillow and dropping them to the floor, watching with a sad smile as they drifted then disappeared a few minutes later.

Sam hadn't come back yet, and Dean almost went to look for him when Castiel grabbed his hand and shook his head. Dean frowned worriedly at him. He'd been frowning a lot in the passing days, he realised.

"What's the matter?" Dean asked.

"If you leave, I might be gone when you return," he said. Dean's frown deepened.

"Don't talk to me like that," the hunter said. Cas shook his head.

"I can't stay much longer, Dean. My time here is done," Castiel said, finally accepting his fate. "I must go where the wind takes me from here."

"Cas please, I can't do this without you," Dean said, tears glassing over his own eyes. Castiel's bright blue eyes were starting to dim down now, and a faint, tired smile crossed his lips when a Johnny Cash song came on.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey..." Cas sung quietly. He was just as tone deaf as Dean was, but that didn't bother him. If he wanted to sing, he did, and nothing stopped him.

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed, watching Cas settle himself comfortably and pull another feather from his pillow. This was the smallest one so far, and Dean watched a tear roll down the other man's cheek as he smiled fondly. He took the hand of Dean's that he was holding, and turned it so his palm was facing up. He placed the tiny feather into it, and closed his fist around it loosely.

"This is for you," he said, voice hoarser than it had been a few seconds ago. "It's the first one I grew."

Dean stared at his hand for a minute, disbelief written all over his face as his tears began to roll down his face. He jaw had gone slack, making his mouth hang open a little as he tried to find words. When he felt Castiel's grip on his hands loosen, he looked worried to where the ex-angel was still watching him, with a tired, fond smile still sat on his face. The heart monitor started to slow down, and Dean panicked.

"Cas no! No, you can't die! You can't leave me!" Dean exclaimed, not releasing the feather as he started to touch Castiel's face to will him to wake fully again. "Cas _please_! I need you!"

Cas didn't speak. His smile just widened the smallest fraction, and his eyes fluttered shut. The long, agonising beep filled Dean's ears and a choked out a noise almost inhuman sounding. He leant forward more, touching Castiel's face and search for any sign of life.

"Cas? Cas," he repeated, voice becoming more strained and tearful every time the name passed his lips. "Cas! _Cas._ "

"Dean?"

"No..." Dean murmured, standing upright and looking at his little brother, who'd placed two cups of coffee down on the nearest table. "Sam, he's gone.."

"Dean I'm so sorry," Sam said, stepping forward and embracing his brother. Dean tried so hard to hold it together and be strong, but he just couldn't stop the tears that fell.

He and Sam stayed locked in an embrace, even as the Doctors started coming in to announce the time of death and move the body. Dean couldn't bear to see Castiel so still and lifeless, but he still turned around and said his final goodbyes, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead before gently shifting his head and taking the feather pillow. He could've let the hospital keep it for elderly patients who like soft feather pillows, but knowing these feathers were from Castiel's wings, Dean just couldn't let it stay behind.

With his tiny feather still clutched tightly in his fist, Dean stood staring at the spot where Castiel had been for agonisingly long minutes after he'd been moved, and Sam stayed beside him silently, sipping his coffee and more than prepared to be there for his brother as he too mourned for the friend they'd both lost. For the love Dean had said goodbye to for the last time.

_Please don't take, my sunshine, away._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.  
> I did another thing.  
> I keep doing a thing.  
> But doing the thing is me writing out my emotions and making you all suffer my feels with me.  
> I'm sorry. I think.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos. It's much appreciated and helps me out a lot. <3


End file.
